Have I changed somehow?

Sort of funny story from this weekend.

My sister and I were celebrating our birthdays together on Saturday. She turned 25 on the 18th and I turn 30 on the 2nd. While she and I were sitting at lunch with our mom, my phone rang. It was my older brother calling so I answered because he never calls. He asks, "You like the Steelers, right?" To which I reply, "well...I'm not a huge sports fan." He then starts complaining about how he doesn't know what to get me for my birthday. Awkward. Not a big deal, though. So, I hand the phone over to my sister so she can maybe tell him what to get me. She tells him I like gauzy scarves- in fall colors. It's true, I do. Later that night the whole fam is sitting in the living room as Molly and I open presents. It comes to Cy's gift for me and I begin to open it when he says, "I told the store clerk that I had no idea what to get a 30 year old lesbian who likes summer scarves in fall colors. She didn't want anything to do with me. I hope you like this." Of course I laughed really hard because he's such a dork. Later, though, it started to kind of get under my skin, what he said. He didn't know what to get a 30 year old lesbian...

The truth is that I'm the same person as I was before. I'm still Abby, his dorky sister for 29 years, 11 months and 23 days now. He's always known before what I like and what will make me happy and what will piss me off. Why does he think I've changed now that my partner is a woman? Yeah, maybe he's just giving me a hard time, but like I always am, I feel kind of whiny about it. It struck a nerve- just like he intended, I'm sure. That's what big brothers are for, I guess- at least Cyrus. I know that about him!

RIP Troy Davis

My heart is so heavy for Troy Davis' family. The Supreme Court could have stayed his execution. They should have. Instead they basically lynched him. Why? Because he's like any other black man in America out on the streets at night when they should know better, right? Reminds me of a Citizen Cope song that I think says it better than I can:

Contact

You're walking down the street
You've got this white Chevy Lumina undercover
Checking you to see
They're checking your I.D.
'Cause it's a fine time
Say just to run a name
'Cause you look the same
As the dude with the rebel in his veins
But while you're checking me
You've got them crooked politicians
Eating up the treasury
And taking our cash
To spend on the prisons
While the youth they fast
Now I'm waiting on the day
When we can all bring
Like Martin Luther King
This is why I sing
I want some contact 

Glorified Battering Images?

http://m.yahoo.com/w/ygo-frontpage/lp/story/us/485549/coke.bp%3B_ylt=A0S02EpogmJOrQcALCIp89w4%3B_ylu=X3oDMTI2ZTc3aTJiBGNjb2RlA3B6YnUEY3BvcwMxBGNzZWMDbW9iaWxlLXRkBGludGwDdXMEcGtnA2lkLTQ4NTU0OQRwb3MDMgRzbGsDdGl0bGU-?ref_w=frontdoors&view=today&.tsrc=yahoo&.intl=us&.lang=en

"Deeply embarrassed white people talk awkwardly about race" article

My friend posted this article from The Stranger on fb, and I find it to be particularly relevant. I'm also very glad to see these conversations happening in other forums!

She says, " 'Being a seattle native..i have grown up to almost look "past" race..etc.. as if that is something you just don't notice. (like how i barely know if someone changed their hair color/etc). I of course realized over the years what a disservice it is not to acknowledge who people are holistically and how damaging it can be. I am excited that this article sparks rounds of conversations on this subject. It has been too long for me that i have had a serious convo about race.' "

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/deeply-embarrassed-white-people-talk-awkwardly-about-race/Content?oid=9747101

I also find this article to be particularly relevant to a conversation we had in women's support group this morning when a clt talked about a child facing racial discrimination "way back when" and acting as if racism no longer exists. Then another clt said that there is still rampant racism in the South. This response is both true and irritating because it allows non-Southerners to deny the passive and aggressive racism that absolutely still occurs all over this country. I wish I had this article to pass out to the group!

Wal-Mart Wins :(

This article left me feeling sad.


http://news.yahoo.com/wal-mart-wins-supreme-court-sex-bias-case-142932169.html

Target and Agent Handouts

http://www.wsba.org/Legal-Community/Committees-Boards-and-Other-Groups/Access-to-Justice-Board/ATJBLC/~/media/53836FA01FD3443BBD170610D390F067.ashx

webshares.northseattle.edu/beginnings2009/Handouts/Target%20skills.doc

http://www.fpg.unc.edu/~handouts/CrosswalksInst_ThePriceofSilence_Handout.pdf starting on page 4.

Reflections on AOC Training

Last night I felt like I was on a natural high from how well the AOC training went! It seemed to me like everyone got along well, made positive new connections and participated fully. The best part, though, was hearing at the end that one participant got out of it the same things that I got out of it when I first took the training. What an amazing full circle moment that was.

I truly feel like this training could be a model for other organizations. While adressing social injustice gets me excited, it doesn't seem to engender positive attitudes in others a lot of the time. So, you can imagine how excited I was when we got through to the end and there hadn't been any arguing or yelling or awkward feelings...at least on my part (and I am very sensitive and tuned in to the vibe of groups). More than that- people actually said they liked the training and found it inspirational. Honestly, my happiness could not be contained. Christie heard about it all night long.

Though we haven't received any formal feedback yet, the elements I found to work really well included the fun and relaxing games/stickers/coloring crayons in the middle of the tables, the concerted effort on all of our parts to convey our points from a place of assuming best intentions and our committment to soliciting lots of participation from our "students." Particularly on this last point, it seemed like all of us felt comfortable being open and honest and even vulnerable. I was so wowed when some folks even admitted to times when they'd been oppressive, took responsibility and dedicated themselves to using this experience as a turning point in their learning journey. Amazing.

Usually when big events like this are over I am so relieved just to have them done. This time, though, I can't wait for the next training!

No justice for rape survivor

This morning listening to NPR, I learned that Dominique Strauss-Kahn has been released from supervision due to the "crumbling" rape case against him. Apparently the court has come to question the survivor's credibility and are now predicting that the case will be entirely dropped.

Of course this isn't a surprise to me, but it does make me boiling angry. Finally I thought we'd see a high profile public figure held accountable for the sexual assault he committed, but a girl really can't dream that big yet, I guess.

The most infurating part about the whole thing is not the fear that he'll reoffend, which he might, but the crushing weight of the knowledge that this sends such a big message to women everywhere. Don't even try to accuse your attacker. No one will believe you and don't you know it's your fault anyway? I mean, these dipshits are saying that because her story has changed over time (hello! forgetting details is a huge part of PTSD), she can't be telling the truth. Also, she has a criminal past. Apparently that means she deserves to be raped. Wow....

So, pardon me if I seem on edge today. I'm feeling triggered and pissed off and hopeless and I know I'm not the only one.

Blah.

Good news out of Portland, Oregon

Today the City of Portland won trans-inclusive health care protections for all city employees!
My friend Tash was a big leader of the fight, working with Basic Rights Oregon's Trans Justice Working Group.

In my opinion it's about time. I can't even believe that trans people are actually denied health care coverage simply because they are trans. That blows my mind. Apparently Portland is the third municipality in the country to win this basic right. Yay for Portland; I love my hometown :)

Genderless Baby?

My Aunt recently posted a link to this article on Facebook, commenting "Whether you agree or disagree, it certainly gives one pause to think."

I agree with her. I really can see both sides, but I'm not sure whether or not I can choose one yet.

For the longest time I also said that I would like to raise my someday child in a genderless way. It would certainly piss my Mom and Dad off, but it would be a neat social experiment too. I like the idea of letting my child choose their gender identity. I also believe that announcing a child's physical sex to the world and then showing them that they can choose their gender identity sets a child up to feel odd in the world if they choose to go against what everyone else is reinforcing.

However, I can also see the logic in the assertion that not making a choice is also a choice. The kid would also get flack for not announcing its identity...

This one is so complicated. I'm really looking forward to hearing other view points.

Social Justice: 7 Days a Week

So my blogging worlds occasionally collide, creating a kind of supernova of bad-ass, go-get'em, power-to-the people, feelings inside of me. I also, inevitably, have to share my supernova moments. Therefore, dear AOC bloggers, here's a gem of a blog (I wish I had written) I stumbled across today entitled "My privilege and me":

http://dcnstrct.wordpress.com/

Glamour's "Tell Somebody" Campaign

This is an interesting article I read in the May issue of Glamour magazine. I think it does a decent job of coaching young women on how to support their friends who may be experiencing dating violence. I'll be curious to hear your thoughts too.

One thing I really struggle with is how effective a message like this can be in a magazine so focused on a very narrow image of women...It's something to ponder, for sure.

http://www.glamour.com/tell-somebody/2011/05/relationship-violence-the-secret-that-kills-4-women-a-day

~Abby~

What does being an activist for peace really mean?

I was checking my facebook last night and noticed that comments about Osama bin Laden's murder filled the page.  I would say 90 % of the comments were somewhat celebratory, along the lines of "he got what he deserved" or "finally Osama is dead."

I must admit that I felt quite uncomfortable with those remarks and the general happiness and excitement that people were expressing about this man's death.

Yes, I know, he did many many terrible things against humanity.  Terrible, awful things that caused pain and loss for many people.  There is no excuse or "right" reason for any of those things.

I wondered why I feel so uncomfortable with celebrating his murder. 

I would like to consider myself to be an activist for peace.  That means I believe in the world without oppression and violence.  I believe that for everyone, not just for innocent or "good" people. 

This exact issue was brought up to me at one of the presentations I was at a few years ago.  The presentation was about death penalty and how it relates to doing a DV work.  We were asked one important question there: "Can we support death penalty when we're working against violence?"  How is it that we OK (or even encourage) use of violence to "punish" those who have committed an act of violence?  Are we saying no to violence against certain groups of folks, but not others (their abusive partners in this case)?  What does it really mean to work for non-violence?  Do we hold different values personally and professionally?

Post 9/11, the overall message was not to grieve the loss or reflect on the relations we have within ourselves or with others.  I heard a lot of "good vs. evil" talk, increased suspicion towards people who are or seem to be Muslim, and the world won't be a safe place until these evil-doers are dead.  It is a real-life version of the movie "America: the World Police"

I don't know anyone who was directly affected by the terrorist attack on 9/11.  I can't say how I would feel about it if I had lost someone then.  However, I wanted to take a moment to think about it and hope it would give you a food for thought.

I found a column that addresses this phenomena pretty accurately in my opinion.  Check it out!!  http://www.salon.com/news/osama_bin_laden/index.html?story=%2Fpolitics%2Fwar_room%2F2011%2F05%2F02%2Fosama_and_chants_of_usa

Historical Trauma in the Massage Parlor

So in light of my commitment to move into this process of self-evaluation in learning how I hold power in relation to others, I would like to post my first AOC post. This is scary and I feel vulnerable but much like my determination to get to the small village in rural Sudan via a tiny, rattly, shaky Cessna, I'll do it anyway.

My mom in all her awesomeness has gifted me with occasional massages (she pays, we go together - it's a date thing). We last went a few weeks ago. I don't care if my masseuse is a guy, girl or anywhere along the gender spectrum. That evening though my masseuse was an African American guy.

This was a first. And as we walked back to the room and made small talk, I could feel the on-coming analysis. As I lay there on the table and he first started massaging my calves (who knew how many muscles we have there?) I felt the weight of historical trauma, and my own so-easily triggered guilt, in the room: thick and heavy. Initially I was also bombarded, in my mind's eye, by images I've seen in documentaries and historical pictures about Jim Crow, the KKK, and worst of all, the hangings of African Americans on any excuse, but especially for "touching a white woman".

So I started to talk with him. What I wanted to tell him was how sorry I was for the way his people were/are treated, about slavery, about the fact that I'm aware of the barriers he faces as a minority, that I'm on his side. What I told him instead, which is what I tell every person who works their magic through massage, was that this, what he's doing, what he's giving me, was a gift. That I was deeply appreciative. We talked a bit about what I do and he felt likewise, that what I do is a gift to help others. It felt better to talk. Even as he so cautiously, so carefully (more so than any other masseuse I've had) asked if he could move the sheet up toward my gluteus maximus, I felt that he was skating on the line of "what is too much?". I told him he could move the sheet wherever he needed, no problem. (My years of living in a more body-liberal Europe have left me pretty blaze about what should or should not be covered up.)

I felt by the end of the session, through conversation, we had both moved toward a place of comfort with each other. Indeed, that is my truth, and my hope for him with me, too.

Fat Phobia- Required Reading

One of the books that profoundly impacted my life is called Fat!So? by Marilyn Wann. I first read it in a class called "Gender and Body Image" that I took as part of my Women's Studies curriculum during my undergrad education. While I'd always held a certain level of self-esteem regarding my body, this book clarified so many ways in which I actually held and shared fat-phobic beliefs. Taking this class and reading this book were a revelation to me and afterward I became an outspoken advocate about fat phobia believing that now that I held this knew knowledge, I was officially cured of my issues around body image. Wrong.

Unfortunately, I took it and ran the opposite direction and became thin-phobic. Why I didn't realize this was not good escapes me, but I think I have recently figured out where I may have gone wrong. Actually, the same professor who required me to read Fat!So? also introduced me to the following piece of writing, this time through Facebook: http://yrwelcome.wordpress.com/2011/04/12/losing-weight-staying-fat-positive/
Even just reading the title got to me a little bit. My immediate questions were, Why would anyone who is fat-positive want to lose weight? and If we lose weight and become thin, aren't we automatically aligning ourselves with the enemy? At the core I very much held the belief that thin and fat-positive were mutually exclusive identities. Don't get me wrong, it's not like Wann actively advocates thin phobia, but the truth is that she doesn't spend much time making it clear that one can indeed be thin and still fat-positive. I get this, I really do. Thin people aren't generally the ones who need to hear a fat-positive message. Still, reading this article was almost equally revolutionary to me as reading Fat!So?. What I learned is that to be fat-positive is a mindset, an identity and not a body shape. I guess it's kind of like "Feminist" not necessarily equalling "Female-identified."

Ironically, being fat-positive or fat-phobic is not predicated on one's own body shape. What this means is that if you want to lose weight or maintain thinness, you can still be fat-positive. I don't know about you, but this is news I think I needed to hear. For the longest time I've been closing my ears to someone close to me regarding her weight. I keep telling her that she shouldn't lose weight, that's she's beautiful as is. She, in return, continues to tell me that she wants to lose weight because her body can't do any more what it used to be able to do. I've stopped listening and she's not doing anything about it- probably because I'm not being supportive. It's actually not her bad for wanting to lose weight. It's my bad for not supporting her very logical and emotionally healthy desire to be able to do stuff she can't do right now.

None of this is to say that it won't still be pretty damn tricky to navigate through this transition. Right now she's looking at it in a pretty healthy way, but who can say that once she experiences thinness that she won't buy into fat-phobia? I have no idea, but what I do know is that this is her choice. The best I can do is support her through it. I realize now that her body shape says nothing about my own and it certainly does not dictate whether or not I also need to lose weight. Believe me, this is music to my heart because even though I know I can lose weight now, I really don't have any desire to at this point.

Eating a mini-snickers candy bar,

Abby

Toolkit

http://shscoalition.org/pdf_files/IDIR%20Folio%20-%20complete,%202-28-06.pdf

Being an ally

http://www.mtholyoke.edu/diversity/docs/diversity/interpretting_oppression.pdf

Now we can love hipsters more!

This article comes from our newest AOC member, Abby!

http://meloukhia.net/2009/07/hipster_racism.html

Whitness

Maybe a great introduction for the AOC to use with other staff, board members and volunteers?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAljja0vi2M

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOVJ6QwFmDI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-E4aqOs1_0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsylE79Hm30

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQEjWybFhac

Can't wait to hear what people think...

wrt

whitney

This just in! http://sexualviolencecenter.wordpress.com/2010/09/30/anti-oppression-work/
check it out!
Thanks, Whitney

Colorlines

Hi Team,

In anticipation of our AOC meeting this afternoon, I thought I might write a new post!  This time I wanted to share an online magazine that I like called Colorlines.  It's filled with great articles about race, culture, and organizing -  a great resource for our work together!  Here's a link:  http://colorlines.com/
and here's a link to an article that I found interesting about the intersection of racisim and sexual violence:
http://colorlines.com/archives/2011/02/recy_taylor.html.
More later!!
Sarah

OMG, Our Blog!!!

Hi Everyone, this blog idea rules! 
I thought I would start us off with a little test run.  While we can really do anything we want to with this blog, I think it is the perfect space to share ideas, links to articles and websites, and disucss.  Here is a link to the article I mentioned in the meeting today:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heather-wood/10-mistakes-white-people-_b_68694.html
yay!!